A poem for Mother’s Day by Bethany of Bad Parenting Moments.com

‘Twas the night before Mother’s Day and all through the kitchen
No one had planned anything, and the kids were a bitchin’
The dishes were piled head high by the sink
Mom took a break to pour a quick drink

Like a lunatic, the toddler was jumping in bed,
While visions of next morning’s mimosas danced in mom’s head.
Dad playing Wii and mom was still cleaning
The baby was cranky from teething and weaning.

Then, out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Mom grabbed a pan in case something was the matter
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
Tore open the blinds and saw raccoons in the trash

Mom headed out to beat off the beasts
While the kids started shouting for mom to make boat sails for their fort made out of sheets

The kids started screaming about cake in the morning
Then mom’s “special visitor” came without warning.
The Midol was empty
The wine was all gone
No one was listening while mom’s voice droned on.

Mom finally lost it
“I’m done with this shit. I give up. I fold. I’ve had it. I QUIT!”
She grabbed her best yoga pants
and headed for Rome
She made it to Taco Bell
Then headed back home

“I’ve brought make-up NACHOS!”, mom called from the door
The family descended, “NACHOS! What are these for?”
“I left. I was gone. Didn’t you know?”
There was no reply heard over the gluttonous nacho eating show

Mom headed upstairs to put on her sweats
Take out her pony and cool her hot jets
Then, she heard them exclaim as she walked out of sight,
“We love you, Mommy! Have a good night!”

“I love you too!”, she shouted down
She took a deep breath and put on her pre-schooler’s “WORLD’S BEST MOM!” construction paper crown

Being a mom isn’t always a dream
Sometimes, kids are assholes. Sometimes, we scream

But, it IS all worth it when you have some:
Perspective
And humor
And wine
And Tums

Good friends
And patience
And family
And time
Carbohydrates
Butter
Tequila
And lime

And, the singular thing that is mom’s cornerstone.
Love, the glue that makes your house, a home

So, whether you’re home making muffins and crafts
Or, out with your girlfriends getting massages and trashed
I hope that you have, what do the old-timers say?
A wonderful, kick-ass Mother’s Day.

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